About two months ago, my daughter had her very first tantrum. I about pulled my hair out trying to figure out exactly what was wrong. I pleaded with her just to magically learn to talk and tell me what she wanted.
The longer I tried to do everything and anything to make her happy, I realized that she was just tired and fighting sleep. So what did I do to keep myself from going crazy? I picked up my camera with my new lens and started snapping away. Documenting every tear, every smile, every moment of crazy.
I came across these photos today and it took me right back to the exact moment, every feeling of anxiety, frustration and pity for my little girl. All I wanted to do was ease her pain, take it all away and make her feel better. I remember trying to rock her, trying to sing, trying music, trying bouncing, trying everything I could think of. But all she needed was someone to just be there, in the moment, with her. She was overly tired and just wanted to sleep. Of course putting her to bed was not in her plan. She screamed harder, cried harder, and rolled herself around her crib for what seemed like an eternity for this mom. I ended up bringing her back down with me to the living room. I tried to play with her again on the floor thinking that would help. I even recruited the dog for help. That did the trick for about two minutes.
The range of emotions in these photos is from one side of the spectrum to the other. She was happy one second and then screaming another but came back to laughter shortly after. My oh my this was a rough one.
In that moment that I decided to document this I could have never imagined how grateful I would be. Even though its only been two months, I've seen so much of a change. A change in her and a change in me. Being her mom is special and allows every day to be a new adventure. This was just one that I have documented. Ive learned so much about myself and who I want to be for her.
I want her to know that every day she teaches me to love harder, be a better person, and to trust in what is meant to be for me. She is my push in life to become someone that she looks up to and wants to be like when she grows up.
She makes me want to follow my heart and my dreams. She is why I chose to open myself up and show all of you reading this now, this side of me. Being one that usually keeps her feelings to herself, it is hard for me to open myself to criticism especially of something as personal as my vision and work.
She is my inspiration and the encouragement I need to push me to start this business. I want her to know that being vulnerable is apart of life and that she shouldn't be afraid. I was afraid of opening this business but taking that chance has opened my eyes to the fact that I LOVE THIS JOB! I don't know what I was thinking, keeping this side of me silent is like not being true to myself.
Being a mom has opened many more doors for me. Thank you my darling daughter for pushing me to be more for you. I can't ever thank you enough.
